"How much courage does it take to walk out on your kid?"
It’s kind of sad when a marriage disintegrates. Two people, who were once in love, are now bitter enemies fighting it out in a court of law for either money or custody of their offspring. One spouse’s intentions are probably their own, but at times it feels like the lawyer is the puppet master, making their client behave in ways that are meant to devalue their respective former lover. No matter how we cut it, divorce is a monstrosity. I say this from firsthand experience where my parents were at each other’s throats, just waiting for one another to make a misstep so they can run to their lawyer in attempt to have the gavel fall in their favor. Full well knowing the ramifications divorce can have on a family, I found myself undeniably connected to the 1979 film Kramer vs. Kramer, a film that magnifies the ruins of a once loving family.
Much like most marriages, the relationship between Ted (Dustin Hoffman) and Joanna Kramer (Meryl Streep) ends due to love fizzling out. They aren’t who they used to be, and their lives have changed to the point that they don’t recognize one another anymore. It must be painful to know that you’ve dedicated a chunk of your life to someone you just ended up resenting. Nonetheless, after seizing a huge advertising account at his work, Ted comes home to find Joanna packing her things. She’s leaving and no matter how much Ted pleads, she’s made up her mind. Things are more complicated though. Joanna isn’t just leaving Ted, she is also leaving Billy (Justin Henry), the child her and Ted have been raising together. In reality, Ted has no real connection to Billy as the bulk of the raising has been done by Joanna, who has seen Ted put his job over their son. Although Joanna seems selfish in her desire to leave, her reasons are explicit and understandable. Now, Ted is left to take care of a son he doesn’t understand while attempting to juggle a job that demands him to spend his days entrenched in his office.
Resentment becomes the crux of Ted and Billy’s relationship as Ted struggles to match the love and affection Joanna continuously gave to Billy. To say there’s a warming up period is an understatement. Knowing he has to restrict himself at work to truly connect with his son, Ted takes on a smaller workload and begins to show his devotion for Billy. In time they become closer to one another than Joanna could ever imagine. Naturally, Billy and Ted lived happily ever after. Nah, this is reality and after being absent for nearly a year, Joanna walks back into the picture demanding custody of Billy. She doesn’t do it out of spite, but merely recognizing she’s made a mistake in leaving her flesh and blood. Nothing can prepare Ted and Joanna for the assault their lawyers unleash on each other’s characters. It’s at this point that the film switches from a father/son drama to a debate about parental rights. It’s an effective conclusion that threatens to destroy the relationship Ted has created with Billy.
As you can imagine, this is where writer/director Robert Benton hammers home his point about the damage of divorce as he puts our emotions through the ringer. Had Benton’s crafting of Ted and Billy’s relationship been undercooked, the ending would tread on melodrama and its potency would be minimal. Thankfully we don’t have to think of that because Benton, as well as through the acting of Hoffman and Henry, creates a heart wrenching arc. Said arc is essential for the seething court room drama to reach a boiling point where we can feel the daggers going deep into the spine of Ted and Joanna. We wish it was different, but this is how the divorce process has evolved. Both parents, wanting an invested interest in their child, fight aggressively for custody. When you involve lawyers who aren’t anymore interested in the child’s welfare than getting a win, character assassinations and low blows make for a depressing affair that alienate everyone involved. Collateral damage is the end result, and Benton plays this up to a high level aside from the film’s hopeful ending.
Yet, for as good as Benton’s construction of his character’s relationships are, the real prized possession of Kramer vs. Kramer is impartiality. This is most notable in Joanna who could’ve been dramatized as a villain. In Benton’s eyes, she is anything but. The film assures us through rhetoric and the performance of Meryl Streep that Joanna, despite her shallow actions, has a point of view that’s just as valid as Ted’s. Certainly when compared to Ted, she doesn’t seem as likable. Nonetheless, we’re reminded that before Joanna left Ted, it was Joanna who was essentially a single parent while Ted had his focus dead set on work. In addition to balanced perspectives, the film adequately captures the struggle to be a single parent. Having seen my mother and father attempt to raise three kids by themselves while trying take care of their priorities outside of the home life, it’s easy to see that life after divorce is like trying to juggle a hundred different balls. When a spouse walks out, the challenges never end. Instead, they’re persistent and consistent. As Kramer vs. Kramer suggests in its last frame, those hiccups can at least be squelched when we realize what’s most important: the love of a child despite the battles that take place in a courtroom.
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